a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension,consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage,security, calm, intrepidity.
Anyone ever experience this emotion? Fear. Life is really busy right now and I'm having a hard time just fitting in regular walks with the dogs. However, other than this week, they were getting them every other day at a minimum for 1.75-2.5 miles. It was enough to take the edge off and make them happy for a change of scenery and smell some new smells. A couple of times I took Vegas out in the front yard and worked on obedience, too. She is starting to get the concept of a drop on recall and damn if it isn't the cutest thing ever.
But fear... fear sort of rules my mind when it comes to training - particularly rehabilitating her. Any time I let her off leash, I experience fear. What if she trips? What if she steps in a hole? What if she strains something in her wild and enthusiastic frolicking? What if she steps on one of the littles and hurts them? What if, what if, what if?
So sometimes I avoid activity with her. If she doesn't do anything she can't get hurt right? I know this train of thought is not exactly well thought out or logical, but fear often doesn't follow those rules does it?
I'm even afraid of getting her 100% rehabilitated and strong again. Why you may wonder? Well, what if she doesn't like agility any more? What if she still can't do agility? What if I get her strong but she's just not made the way she used to be and her age has caught up to her and she shouldn't be as active?
I also haven't had time to collect a urine sample and have it retested again, so fear rules there, too. What if something is still wrong? What if another abnormality appears in testing and we have to proceed down another path?
So fear is ruling our lives right now. I'm trying to work through it and hoped to take steps toward doing so by vocalizing those fears. For all intents and purposes, I have no reason to believe she can't completely recover. Nothing we have done thus far has caused her any setback. She is just as happy to go and be active as ever. She is just as demanding to do something often as she ever was - perhaps more so. She is tired of being cooped up. She wants to go. She is happy to walk, happy to work, demands to romp and play. My living room is a testament usually to her enthusiasm for life what with piles of toys strung out all over. She has not had a moment's lameness. Last week on Wednesday I took her for a walk while it was still quite sunny and warm out. We ventured to the Farmer's Market uptown and she wore her backpack. She carried two bottles of water, my cell phone, and my wallet. She did fine and had no ill effects. She moves well. She is not lame.
So this, too, will pass, right? The fear. It will recede, dissipate, and slip away into the recesses of memory? I hope so. But for now, fear resides in our lives.